The Full Proof Plan
by Lady Artemist
Summary: There is a reason Harry shouldn't put any of his plans into action. He shouldn't think of any plans at all really. His friends have a right to be skeptical about his versions of a good idea. Oneshot


Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of its characters sadly. They belong to J. K. Rowling, I'm just borrowing them for a while.

This oneshot had no beta.

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"Harry, we can't do this."

"Why not?" asked Harry looking puzzled.

Irritated, Hermione replied, "Because Harry, most people would consider this suicide."

"Really, are you sure?" asked Harry in confusion, "Don't you think it sounds like fun?"

"No Harry, I don't think it sounds like fun," replied Hermione as if talking to a small child. "In what way is dressing like a Death Eater and going to their Yule gathering sound like fun?" she asked looking incensed.

"Will it help if I told you I stole the Death Eater robes from Snape?" asked Harry innocently.

"Well, I'm in." responded Ron with a bright grin.

"Ron!" she screamed. "No, it won't help Harry because the plan is stupid!" yelled Hermione in frustration.

"It is not! How could you say that?" cried Harry, pouting over having his plan insulted. "This plan is brilliant, practically full proof!" he asserted.

"Really? Besides sneaking in what exactly are we going to do?" asked Hermione, her left eye starting to twitch.

"Here's what I'm thinking, we sneak in there wearing our fashionable stolen Death Eater garb. We then proceed to mingle with the lovely guests. Then, when Voldemort shows up we surprise him. We throw down our disguises, proclaim our victory and dance the night away!" finished Harry with a smug grin.

"Hmm, interesting, very interesting. Does the dancing come before or after we die?" asked Hermione, sarcasm dripping from every word.

"Why would we die, I'm telling you the plan is full proof," wondered Harry.

"Okay, well than how do we go about securing our victory? You seem to forget that we will be facing Voldemort surrounded by his followers who are mostly psychopaths," asked Hermione, not really wanting to know the answer but too curious for her own good.

"Mostly 'Mione?" asked Ron, raising one eyebrow.

"Well yes, some are simply deranged. Poor souls, they never stood a chance," replied Hermione in a matter-of-fact tone.

"You're not going to try and reform them are you? Tell me this won't be some twisted version of S.P.E.W." asked Ron warily.

"Honestly Ronald, S.P.E.W. is making great strides for the rights of House Elves everywhere!" Hermione cried out indignantly.

"How does inciting paranoia in unsuspecting House Elves count as making "great strides"? The poor sods are positive someone is out to get them what with your deformed hats popping out of nowhere," wondered Ron, having remembered seeing a House Elf jump into a wall repeatedly screaming how the hats were going to get him.

"They are not deformed! Do you know how many books I read on knitting?" screeched Hermione, insulted.

"Obviously they didn't help if your skills are anything to go by," replied Ron rather bluntly.

"Guys! Can we please get back to the plan?" yelled Harry, his irritation growing with their ridiculous argument. How could they think about House Elves when he had thought of a brilliant plan to rid the world of evil?

"Oh, right. Sorry mate. Well, I'm all for kicking Death Eater arse…how exactly are we going to kick arse again?" asked Ron, eyes filling with glee at the thought of kicking Snape in the balls. The man had prevented him from practicing Quidditch! Who cared about Potions? It's bloody cooking is what it is except the ingredients scared small children. He had to wonder if that was the reason Snape taught the subject. Sadistic bugger probably got a kick out of seeing us squirm while preparing vile concoctions.

"It's simple, after we proclaim victory over Voldemort the three of us will proceed to split up and let out our secret weapon," stated Harry.

"Our secret weapon being?" wondered Hermione in a long suffering sigh.

"Knock out gas," replied Harry in a clear tone.

"I'm sorry what?" asked Hermione, not really understanding what he had said.

"What the bloody hell is knock out gas?" cried Ron.

"Knock out gas is a muggle gas that knocks people unconscious," replied Harry in a confident tone.

"How will this work? What if we die before the gas works? I'm too young to die Harry, S.P.E.W. must go on!" cried Hermione.

"We will not die; the knock out gas will set off within 3 seconds of pushing the button. I told you the plan is full proof!" replied Harry with a sigh. How had he managed to deal with these plebeians? How could they not see his utter brilliance?

"Alright mate, let's do this!" shouted Ron happily. He just wanted to get his shot at Snape, gas or no gas.

"If I die, I'll make sure you go to hell Harry." said Hermione with a sinister look on her face.

"Don't get your knickers in a twist, 'Mione," replied Harry nonchalantly. "Now, all we have to do is Scourgify Snape's robes before we start. I don't want Snape's grease on me," he said with a slight shudder.

"Ugh, thanks for that mate," Ron put in, " I don't think it'll matter how many Scourgifys we apply, it still won't make it go away," he replied with disgust.

"Alright you idiots, let's do this already," Hermione said haughtily. "I have a book I want to finish, the sooner we leave the sooner I can get back to reading it" she asserted, "…if we don't die that is."

"That's the spirit 'Mione!" cried Harry with an enthusiastic smile.

Yes, many people wondered about the Golden Trio. But if they succeeded in ridding the world of darkness who could really say anything?

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Silly I know but what can you do? Thanks for reading and I hope you review.

Artemist


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